


There's No Such Thing As Fairytales

by TooManyShipsInTheOcean



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-20 05:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3637833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyShipsInTheOcean/pseuds/TooManyShipsInTheOcean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The shy provincial girl lives up to her name, until someone inexplicably starts to take over her life. Despite her efforts she can't seem to get this unknown stranger out of her head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just a glimpse

**Author's Note:**

> So basically this is my first attempt at anything even remotely like fanfic. I'm just testing the waters, so if you like it leave a comment, if you don't well you can leave one too. Fingers crossed this won't go as bad as I expect!  
> Ciara x

We all dream of being swept off our feet by 'Prince Charming', and why wouldn't we? Look at Cinderella or Snow White! Despite all the tragedy and turmoil, they still found their happy endings. But this is just fantasy, fairy tale stories told to our young impressionable selves. I never wanted a 'Prince Charming', I was never wanted a fairy tale romance full of hearts and flowers. I was never that girl! My life does not depend on me finding 'Mr Right' and riding off into the sunset on his valiant steed. Life doesn't work that way! But that doesn't mean I do not hope, I do not long for companionship. Human beings are social creatures. We search for connections with people, shared interests, anything to feel accepted. And when we find them, we cling to them for dear life, hoping never to lose our grip. And that is where my journey starts, the very beginning, the first time I ever felt connected to somebody.

My day started like any other. I woke up, showered and dressed by 8 a.m. I wandered around my apartment aimlessly for an hour or two before actually starting my assignment. Meet Laura Hollis, procrastinator extraordinaire! I had this huge paper, worth 65% or my grade, due in 1 week, 4 days and 18 hours. Not like my countdown motivated me to some actual work. I always start well, I clear my work space, which mainly consists of empty cookie packages and cold hot chocolate, open my laptop and load everything that I will undoubtedly need. But despite being prepared, I still find myself staring at the same blank screen an hour later. I can feel the ideas working their way through my brain, gaining speed and ferocity but when it comes to writing it down they come to a devastating halt. An impenetrable wall, that spans past the horizon. And I find myself stranded, with nowhere to go but backwards. But on this day, for some reason, I decided to change my surroundings. All my life, I had been the shy girl, always had her head in a book. I never really outgrew that. I socialized of course but when it came down to it, I always preferred my own company. I never liked to depend on others, that way they could never let me down. It's not that I didn't trust them; it's just that no matter how hard they tried, they never lived up to the expectations in my head. And I accepted that, and continued living my life the way I always had. 

When I reached the coffee house, I didn't realize how full it would be on a Thursday afternoon. There must have been a hipster convention next door because all I could see were man buns, geek glasses and perfectly groomed beards. I ordered my coffee, black two sugars, and headed for my usual spot at the back. I took in my somewhat familiar surroundings and noticed how out of place I now looked. There was no trend to describe my dress code. I dressed mainly for comfort, mainly jeans, band tee's and Converse. Nothing about me screams interesting or different, I'm just an everyday small town girl trying to finish ( or start, depending on how you look at it) my English Lit assignment.

After about a half an hour the crowds were beginning to disperse but I still found myself overwhelmed with company. I decided that I needed another caffeine boost and headed for the counter. I grabbed a napkin and some sugar and headed back to my spot. 'I must have the wrong seat' I thought because sitting across from me was the image of sheer perfection. She didn't even notice me sit down; she was engrossed in the fictional world that unfolded beneath her. Her long black hair hung over her left eye, concealing half of her face. I found myself staring at her, following the line of freckles across the bridge of her nose. Her mouth twitched slightly and I broke my gaze, all the while trying, and failing, not to stare. And so I began my work, discussing the 'American Dream' in The Great Gatsby and the lack thereof in 'The Colour Purple'. I would allow myself the occasional glance at her, reassuring myself she had not disappeared. The café was practically empty now, save for the old man reading the paper and the bored looking waitress.

After two hours and my fifth cup of coffee she finally put her book down. She stretched, her arms extended above her head forcing her top to slide up ever so slightly, revealing her pale, bare stomach. I was transfixed on that slight band of flesh. As soon as it appeared, it was gone. I continued to type, trying not to look at her. As the waitress came round to take my cup and offer us menus, I was intoxicated by her voice. It was like the sound of the first rain or spring and the smell of freshly cut grass. I drank in her words as they rolled off her tongue. I closed my laptop and took a shallow sip from my now luke-warm coffee. I needed to know her name, I mused. We had sat across from each other for roughly three hours without uttering a wording to each other. I cleared my throat and decided to say something witty. She raised her eyes to meet mine and I found myself unable to speak. My mouth hung open while I frantically searched for something to say. She broke the silence first, 'Hey, I'm Carmilla', she said while extending her hand to me. I licked my now dry lips 'Laura', I replied. I picked up the menu to hide my reddening face, all the while mentally reprimanding myself for being such an idiot! I exhaled and lowered the menu, her eyes found mine once again. I knew at that moment, I could get lost in her eyes.

I'm pretty sure she caught me staring at least three more times. Each time her mouth would curl up into what could only be described as a smirk. I had never seen her around before, so maybe she was new to town, but more likely, I needed to get out more. It was nearly 6 o'clock before I noticed how busy the café had become. The hipsters were back, it sounded like a hive of bees decided to attack. Seconds later she sighed, clearly to get my attention and closed her book. She placed one hand flat on the table and used the other to manoeuvre herself out of the booth. I stared blankly at her, figuring I had missed my chance. I called out to her just as she reached the door. Her book laid on the table, I picked it up and a small slip of paper with ten digits fell out. The smile that spread across her face as she left was the only answer I got.


	2. Aftermath

I sat back down, pondering over what had just happened. She had made the first move. (Good, at least one of us has some courage) I idly twisted the paper between my fingers. She had knocked me for six, how was I to finish this Lit paper now? I stuffed the slip into my back pocket and tried to hide the ridiculous grin that etched its way across my face. Finally, I decided to head home a little after seven, 8 hours is a long time pretending to work. I zipped up my laptop case, donned my scarf and forced myself out into the chilly November evening. The icy wind bit at my face as I tried to pull my collar over my nose. I put my head down and focused on the twenty minute walk back to my apartment.

The apartment wasn’t much warmer. Someone had forgotten to close the bathroom window before leaving this morning, and seeing as it wasn’t me, that left my irresponsible roommate Danny. Not only was she irresponsible but she was childish and reckless. When I had used the last of the coffee and forgot to replace it, she didn’t talk to me for a week. Luckily, she was out of town with her on-again, off-again boyfriend Will. It’s really none of my business who she sees but when they use all the hot water at 7 a.m. I tend to become involved. With the apartment to myself for the week, I decided to make the most of it. By that I meant several tubs of Ben and Jerry’s and getting the value out of my Netflix subscription.(Tonight would mark the beginning of a very routine week, shower, dinner, Netflix, bed) Re-heated lasagne was on the menu tonight along with the final three episodes of ‘Orange Is The New Black’. But first I decided to shower.I discarded my clothes on the bedroom floor and wrapped a towel around me. My clothes lay crumpled in a pile until, undoubtedly, tomorrow evening. I let the cascading water fall off my face as it took with it the worry and stress I had been feeling. Carmilla’s face unwanted to my head. The way her eyes lit up when she introduced herself. The way she furrowed her eyebrows when she was particularly interested in her book. But most of all, how it felt like everything would be ok whenever she smiled.

Despite the cold I decided to let my hair dry naturally, even though I knew it would be impossible to style in the morning. I slipped on my comfiest P.J’s, curled up on the sofa with a hot water bottle and Netflix for company. I fell asleep there, shrouded in my blanket. The hot water bottle lay discarded on the floor, as it usually does. No matter how cold I may be, I always find it at the end of the bed or on the floor. They may seem practical but clearly my unconscious self is not a fan. There was a thin trickle of light coming from the window. I made my way to my room, hoping for another few hours of rest before my alarm went off. I pulled the covers around me and lowered my head to the pillow. For the briefest of moments I had some rest bite before the unholiest of noises ripped me from my slumber. So much for sleep, every time I closed my eyes her face came into focus. She had infiltrated my dreams; her face was permanently imprinted in my mind. I couldn’t understand it, I didn’t even know her! She was a stranger to me, the only connection I had to her was the number that was hidden in my jeans pocket.

By the time I levelled out my hair and brushed my teeth, it was nearly 10 a.m. I knew I would regret not drying my hair! I put on my beanie, trying to look somewhat decent. I applied the barest of make up; powder, eyeliner and mascara. I figured I’d try and draw the attention away from my hair and to my face. I decided to go to the café, seeing as I made so much progress the day before. My deadline was fast approaching and I was running out of time. My usual spot was taken, which was quite peculiar as it was the closest to the kitchen. Not many people like that spot, because of the noise but it’s precisely the reason I do. Nobody really appreciates the work that goes on behind the scenes as long as they get there food on time. There is an art to cookery, specific ingredients, various meals and large cooking crews working together in harmony, preparing our meal. 

In the end I chose the seat directly opposite my usual spot, beside the window. I took a sip from my coffee as I waited for my laptop to boot up. I took a minute and surveyed my surroundings, it had become somewhat of a ritual whenever I sat down. Besides from myself, there was one other customer, who was in my spot. It wasn’t unusual for it to be this quiet. It was 10 a.m. after all, and the morning rush had finished an hour ago.

The first few hours were uneventful. My paper just needed a few finishing touches so I decided to take a well-earned break. The café was quiet, although there was the occasional customer. It remained that way for the rest of the day, just myself and the stranger sitting opposite me, occupied the coffee house. I chanced a glance at her. Despite being there for three and a half hours, I hadn’t really noticed her. Picking up my cup, my eyes wandered over to her. Maybe I was wrong, but I was almost certain it was the girl that left me her number. I had forgotten to call her; well actually I couldn’t remember where I put her number. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I closed my laptop and moved across to her. Her eyes flashed up to meet mine, as a smirk spread across her face.

‘Well cutie, I didn’t think I’d be seeing you again’ she said, never taking her eyes off me. My mouth had suddenly become dry as I stumbled out an apology. She tried and failed to hide her amusement. I forced myself to break her gaze, as I rooted in my bag. At last I found what I was desperately searching for. I laid the hard back on the table and smiled sheepishly. ‘I began to lose hope for this' she said as she held the book in front of her. Finally, plucking up as much courage as my 5ft. 2” body could muster, I formed a coherent sentence ‘Would you like a cup of coffee’ I asked, looking up at her through my eyelashes.


	3. On Closer Inspectiom

I have never met anyone quite like Carmilla in my 23 on this earth. Not only is she beautiful but she’s funny, confident, sarcastic, perceptive and completely and utterly honest in everything she says or does. There’s this Japanese word that doesn’t really translate into English; Koi No Yokan. The sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall in love. I didn't know it then but this is what I was feeling. We talked until the sun began to fade away and the light that the small candle emitted was all we had. It was like we were in our own bubble of warmth, every noise dissipated by the light before it reached our ears. We were asked to leave not long after, not realising it was closing time.

We stepped out into the cool winter night. I reached for her hand and brought it up to a 90 degree angle, her furrowed brows an indicator of her confusion. I plucked a pen from my bag and scribbled my number on her forearm ‘This way, I can’t be blamed if we don’t see each other again’ I smirked. Feeling brave, I leaned in to kiss her cheek. An audible gasp escaped from her mouth as I withdrew. I looked at her, smiled and turned to leave. I took one step before I felt a hand tighten around my wrist. She pulled me into her as her lips met mine. We stayed like this for several minutes before she pulled away ‘Now you can go cupcake’. I could still feel her lips on mine as I drifted off later that night.

Despite a restless night, I awoke refreshed. I had grown accustomed to my own company this past week but it would soon come to an end. Danny and Will would be back from their holiday tomorrow, so tonight would be the last night I had the apartment to myself. I decided to tidy the space, after I turned in my Lit paper. The bathroom was a disaster. My clothes lay discarded on the floor, make up on the sink, and don’t even get me started on the shower. I gathered my clothes, checking my pockets for change or bobby pins( God knows I needed both). Instead I found something much more useful, a ten digit code. I touched my lips as the memory of last night came rushing back. I decided I would call her, ask over tonight, maybe get some pizza, watch a movie, whatever. For such a small space, it sure took a long time to clean. Exhausted after my efforts, I flopped down on my bed. My Doctor Who bed sheet bunched around me. Staring at the ceiling, I pulled my flip phone out of my pocket, along with Carmilla’s number. I punched in the number; I scrunched my eyes closed, took a few deep breaths and finally hit the call button.

‘I should not have done that. I should not have done that.’ This was the only sentence that I could form. Of course she had said she would come over, but I didn’t really expect her to say yes. What do you even wear; it wasn’t as if we were going to The Ritz. What do people even wear when they have a date at home? A date! Does this even count as a date? Was I reading too much into it? Probably, but that did nothing to sooth my nerves. I showered and dressed, managing to look somewhat presentable. I figured, jeans and my Rolling Stones t-shirt would be fine. I was still undecided on shoes, I mean it was my house, do I really need shoes? The sound of the doorbell interrupted the final finishing touches I was making to my appearance. I drew in large breath before opening the door. Now I felt seriously under dressed! Carmilla was wearing these leather pants that clung to her in all the right places, and a red checked plaid shirt. I’m pretty sure she could wear a burlap sack and still look beautiful. I stepped aside, allowing her to enter my small, two bed apartment. We moved into the kitchen/living room/dining room/study. 

She was polite at first, a little uncomfortable maybe, but she soon opened up. I learned two things about Carmilla Karnstein in those first few minutes. One; her second name was Karnstein and two; pepperoni pizza is her favourite. ‘Are you new to town or something’ I asked, in between mouthfuls of greasy deliciousness. Her eyes hardened for a fraction of a second as she shifted her gaze. ‘Yeah, something like that’ she replied, before taking another slice. I decided not to force the issue any further. ‘So, whatcha wanna watch’ I asked, as I wiped the residue from my face. ‘I have Netflix’. We moved across to the sofa as I fumbled to find the remote. We both decided on some cheesy rom-com we had both seen at least three times. She sat down, uncomfortable, unsure as to where to put her hands. I reached across and took one in my own, she looked at me. ‘Do you mind if I rest my head on your shoulder, Carm?’ I asked before pulling a blanket around us. ‘No, not at all’. I gently laid down my head and I heard her heart beat suddenly quicken. She planted a chaste kiss to my forehead before turning her attention back to the over-rated film.


	4. Girls, Interrupted

I woke a few hours later, my neck stiff. I reached for my phone on the table; 11:30, the too bright screen flashed. I was distracted by the stirring beside me, ‘Hey, cupcake, I, eh, best be heading home’. Her voice was rough from the lack of sleep, her eyes not fully open. She rose and blindly moved to the kitchen table. ‘You can stay here tonight’, the words were out of my mouth before I had realised. ‘I mean, it’s late and it’s really not safe out there by yourself, I just don’t want to see you get hurt’ I trailed off, forcing myself to take a breath. Not only was I a great procrastinator but if rambling was an Olympic event, I would win gold! ‘I don’t want to intrude’ was her response, her shoulders visibly relaxing as she inched closer to me. ‘It’s no intrusion, I promise’ I breathed, her face now inches from mine. Her eyes danced their way across my face, looking for an invitation. I pressed my forehead against hers, our eyes all the time fixed on each other. In that moment all that mattered was us, we inhabited our own world. We were both dragged from our perfect world when the door slammed shut. ‘Laura, I’m back, and don’t worry, that arsehole isn’t with me’, her words were harsh. I sighed and pulled myself away from Carmilla. ‘I’m in here’, I stepped into the hall. ‘Are you drunk?’ I asked, but Danny needn’t answer. She wrapped her arms around my neck before passing out. I put her to bed, removing her shoes and jeans, like I had done so many times before. I pulled the covers up to her neck and slowly inched the door closed.

‘I come bearing gifts’ I whispered. In one hand was a shorts and tank top, the other a toothbrush. It never occurred to me why we had so many toothbrushes between the two of us. I picked the cleanest one and handed it to Carmilla. Her mouth twitched as I directed her to the bathroom at the end of the hall. I poked my head around my door frame, ’Just knock on the door when you’re finished’. I jerked my head back and began to change. An over-sized GoT tee and flannel shorts would have to do. I pulled the top over my head, the timid knock barely audible. ‘Just a sec’, my shirt was stuck, probably caught on an earring. All I knew was I couldn’t move. ‘Carmilla’ I hissed, ‘I'm stuck’. The door creaked open, the shuffle of footsteps coming closer. She placed one hand on my hip to stop me from moving. I suddenly became aware of my situation. I was half naked, my arms tangled above my head, exposing the bare flesh of my stomach. My skin prickled at her touch.

In one swift motion the top fell around me, covering my mid-section. Her hand remained on my hip as she moved her body closer to mine. It moved up to the small of my back, my body now flush with hers. Her other hand moved to the nape of my neck, bringing my face closer to hers. She stared into my eyes, searching, looking for confirmation. I closed my eyes as her lips found mine. We stayed like this, a tangle of limbs, passion and excitement. My heart was racing; I feared it would burst out of my chest. I pulled away, leaving my forehead against hers, lost for breath. I gently kissed her cheek before pulling her to the bed. I climbed in first. I felt the bed shift underneath as she followed. We lay facing each other for a time. I traced soft kisses around her face, on each eyelid, across the bridge of her nose before finally meeting her mouth. Her eyes sparkled like the first stars on a summer’s night. I turned, pushing myself against her. Her hand snaked around my waist, pulling me into her. I intertwined our fingers and we stayed like that until the morning light crept in through the gap in the curtains.

The arm around my waist felt like a dead weight, and it was hot. Beads of sweat rolled down my back like tiny insects. I pushed the covers off and removed the arm, careful not to wake the person attached to it. I made my way into the bathroom. My hair was a mess. I ran my fingers through it; I had learned from experience that bed head certainly did not suit me. I managed to tame it slightly, but I'm pretty sure I could've been mistaken for Big Foot’s sister. I stepped into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. I checked the fridge; three eggs, two tomatoes, milk, beer and left over take-out. I decided to make scrambled eggs, well it was the only realistic option I had. I heard the door creak open as I poured two cups of coffee. The soft movement of footsteps alerted me to the intruder. She stood beside me, shoulder to shoulder. ‘Smells great, creampuff’ she said, not trying to hide her smile. ‘Bed head’ may not suit me but it certainly did Carmilla. We sat at the table, in comfortable silence, occasionally catching each other’s eye. I rose, gathering our plates as she left to change. She returned moments later, flawless as ever. I walked her to the door, trying to ignore the pain in my chest. ‘Thanks cutie, I had a great time’ she smiled before leaning in to kiss me. She turned to leave but hesitated, ‘Can I call you later?’ she asked. ‘Yes’ I blurted out, my brain lagging behind my mouth. Smiling, she turned and headed down the hallway. I pressed the door closed, allowing it to take my weight. I padded back to my room. Danny, still unconscious in the next room.


	5. Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decide to upload two chapters this time because I feel guilty. There probably won't be another update for a few days so I decided to give you all I had before leaving for a while :)

My first lecture started in ten minutes. I weaved my way in between students as I made my way across campus. Every few minutes I checked my phone, just to be sure I didn’t miss her call. I pushed my way into room 304. The lecture was boring, as usual; there was no reason for me to attend. All the notes would be posted online and attendance didn’t go towards the overall grade. Still I hadn’t spoken to Kirsch in over a week. He was the one person I felt I could talk to. We had known each other for years, so I guess that made him my best friend. I hadn’t told anyone about Carmilla. I had never questioned my sexuality, I didn’t feel like I should have to confine myself to some binary role.it didn’t matter what they were, it was the person themselves I was attracted to. I found him later, sitting in the cafeteria. He was what you would call ‘The Stereotypical Gay Man’, though he protested he wasn’t (usually in between checking himself out and fixing his hair). ‘I have some news’, I said, before taking a sip of coffee. His eyes lit up like the 4th of July. Kirsch loved gossip! ‘I’ve met someone, and her name is Carmilla’ I added rather sheepishly. I noticed the shocked expression on his face. ‘What?’ I asked? A smile spread across his face. ‘Nothing, I’m just happy that you’ve found someone’, he took a bite from his apple before continuing. Believe me, it doesn’t matter if they’re a man or woman, as long as you’re happy, I’m happy’ he finished. I felt more at ease after that. Kirsch had that ability on me. We had our ups and downs but ultimately he was the only constant figure in my life. The rest of the day passed in a frenzy of running to lectures, coffee and waiting for a certain phone call.

The call eventually came at 3:17 p.m., just as I was turning my key in the lock. I hesitated to answer at first, before pressing the call button. ‘Hey cutie, have you any plans for later tonight’ she asked. Of course I hadn’t; unless Netflix counted. ‘No, I’m free all evening’ I replied. ‘Great, I’ll pick you up at 8, oh and you might want to wear flat shoes’ she added, before hanging up. That wouldn’t be an issue, I only owned one pair of heels and they only came out for weddings and parties. I had about four and a half hours to get ready. Having all this time to get ready would do nothing but add to my unease. I figured I’d get a start on my next assignment before starting my preparations. I closed my laptop around 6-ish. I had tried to focus on my paper but every time I started typing only one word would emerge Carmilla. I showered and blow dried my hair, which was no mean feat, it was long, thick and extremely difficult to manage. It was usually up in a messy bun or under a hat. I made an extra effort with my make-up, paying particular attention to my mouth. I chose black jeans, yet another band tee and a pair of white Converse. I was just fixing my lip stick when the doorbell rang. I counted to five before opening the door. As usual Carmilla was flawless, ripped black jeans, checked shirt and Doc Martins. Her hands were behind her back, concealing something. She brought her hand around, and in them a bunch of Carnations. I made a mental note to check their meaning when I got home. I thanked her with a kiss and found a vase. Once the flowers were settled in their new home, we left the apartment.

We walked for some time, the icy wind biting at our noses. We walked side by side, our hands occasionally bumping each other. I reached out a pinky, trying to increase our contact. Eventually I grew tired of that game and let my hands hang by my side. I glanced at her just as we passed under a street light. Her face illuminated by the light looked like both Heaven and Hell. Her shaded side represented all the things I didn’t know about her. Who she was, why she’s here and why she hasn’t told me anything about herself. But the side that was basked in light made me forget about those things. She looked like and angel, only without the halo and wings. I realized then why she had told me to wear flats. We were walking for the best part of an hour, but I still didn’t know where we were headed. The rain began to fall moments later; we turned the corner and stepped into a porch. I stood watching the rain hitting the curb. I heard the door unlock behind me. I looked at Carmilla, confused. She smiled her wicked smile. She held the door open for me, as I entered the store.

The lights flickered on. Only then did I notice what was in the store. Books lined the walls, floor to ceiling. A large sofa sat in the corner, a plastic cover protecting it from dust. The windows were covered and the smell of damp was unmistakable. Carmilla’s hand found mine then, pulling me from my thoughts. ‘What is this place’ I asked. ‘It’s a book shop, cutie’. The sarcasm dripped off of her tongue. I rolled me eyes, ‘I can see that, but why did you bring me here?’ ‘I wanted to tell you something, and I thought here would be the best place to do that’, her voice grew quiet. She looked at me then, her face a picture of worry. She led me into the back, through a door concealed behind the counter. We stepped into a small, dimly lit room. She switched on the small lamp in the corner, illuminating the space as she did. I noticed then the table and chairs in the middle of the room. A white sheet covered the table, cutlery and a candle presented on top. She smiled at me, motioned for me to sit and turned to face the desk behind her. She returned with two plates of salad and a bottle of wine. She sat opposite me; she took a deep breath before speaking. ‘I have never met anyone like you’ she began, ‘and ever since last night I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.’ I looked at her, lost for words. ‘I already know so much about you, and I figured I’d let you know something about me.’ Her last comment made me worry. Was she sick? Was she a serial killer, luring me in before murdering me? I pushed these thoughts to the back of my head before taking a sip of wine. ‘You were right last night, I am new to town, I moved here two weeks ago’ she said, fidgeting with the fork in front of her. ‘I own this’ she said, motioning around her. ‘I inherited it from my mother; she died a few years ago and left me this place’ she trailed off. I reached across the table and squeezed her hand. ‘How?’ I asked. ‘The Big C’ she said, sarcastically. Her voice cracked, unable to hide the hurt in her voice. The flood gates opened and all I could do was hold her, trying to absorb her pain.


	6. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I really want to know what you think. Do you like it? Is there anything you think I should change? Let me know and I'll try and work on it. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy the next segment. Also I realise they're short, so I'm trying to post as often as I can.

It was late when we arrived back at my apartment. Carmilla hadn’t spoken much on the way home. We walked in silence until we reached the front porch. I invited her upstairs but she politely refused. Her head hanged low, tears prickled behind her eyes. I reached my hand up to her chin, lifting her head until our eyes met. ‘Thank you for tonight Carm, thanks for letting me in’ I added. I had never seen her look so vulnerable, so small. She smiled her lips not meeting her eyes. She was hiding something, what I didn’t know. I brushed away a falling tear from her cheek. ‘What’s wrong’ I asked, my eyes full of longing. She didn’t speak for some time. I felt her shiver, her skin covered in gooseflesh. ‘Come on’ I said, grabbing her hand. Our fingers intertwined as we climbed the stairs in front of the apartment complex. 

We stepped inside the apartment, the air chilly. I lead her to my bedroom, Carmilla never protesting as I did so. I closed the door behind us as we faced each other. ‘I have something else I want to tell you’ she said quietly. I traced my hand up her arm, waiting for her to continue. She moved and sat at the foot of my bed, causing my yellow pillow to fall beside her. She pulled it close to her, her arms wrapping around it, like a boa constrictor would its prey. She wiped away the falling tears before starting. She patted the space beside her; reluctantly I moved and sat down. Her eyes closed as she rested her head on my shoulder. ‘I had someone, a long time ago’ she began. ‘Her name was Elle, and she lived beside me when I was growing up’, she took a shallow breath, ‘I felt this attraction to her, that I had never experienced before in my life.’ ‘We had fallen in love, our naïve younger selves not caring about other people’s opinions’ her voice wavered,’ that was until Elle’s mother walking in on us kissing.’ It looked like she was about to cry, I laid my hand on hers, offering an encouraging squeeze. ‘I had never known such anger, her words were full of hate and they cut through us like a hot knife.’ She swiped at her tears, the stream never losing force. ‘I left then, I never looked back, I didn’t hold her and support her’ she shook her head, ‘I should have been stronger, then maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t have happened’ her voice now barely audible. ‘Her parents kicked her out Laura; they tossed her to the street and never looked back. How could a parent disown their own child’ she shook her head. ‘She didn’t have to die, she could have lived, we could have been happy together, just us against the world’ she let out a hollow chuckle. ‘At least her parents had the decency to tell me the news themselves, well my mother at least.’ ‘Her body was found in the lake we used to go to, before I came here, I made my peace with the situation. I thought I had moved on, the pain no longer as agonising. That was until I met you Laura’ she lifted her eyes to mine. ‘The way I feel about you is so much stronger than what Elle and I had. It scares and excites me. You make me feel so secure yet so fragile. Every time I’m not with you my life is dull and grey, but when I’m with you, it’s like an explosion of colour.’ She smiled a small smile as her fingers danced their way across my arm.

Carmilla spent the night. Our bodies pressed against each other, her hand draped around my waist. She had fallen asleep soon after her admission, exhausted by the weight of the burden she carried for so long. I couldn’t sleep, my mind replaying every word she said. It took a lot of courage for her to admit something so painful; despite her confident demeanour she was insecure and vulnerable. She stirred beside me, drawing me out of my contemplation. She didn’t wake, her body now facing mine. I looked at her for a long time, studying her features. She looked peaceful as she slept, her muscles relaxed. I counted the freckles across her nose and followed the curve of her lips. I brushed away a loose strand of hair from her face, careful not to wake her. Her head was now pressed into my hand, she mumbled something but I couldn’t make it out. I let out an exasperated sigh, ‘What!?’ I muttered. Her eyes opened then as she spoke ‘I said you should be sleeping buttercup’. She pulled me close to her, our lips meeting for the briefest of moments. I shifted my body so that my back was pressed to her front. She trailed soft kisses along my neck and across my shoulder, nipping occasionally. She stopped suddenly, leaving me wanton. She pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, ‘Go to sleep creampuff’. I arranged myself such as to get as much contact with her as I could. We fell asleep like that, although I was occasionally woken by Carmilla’s mumblings of ‘Laura’ and another ‘L’ word, four letters long. I squeezed her hand each time she stirred, reassuring her I hadn’t left. She seemed contented by this and fell back to sleep instantly. I drifted off after her, my thoughts filled with Carmilla and her painful past.


	7. A Small Admission

I spent most of my free time with Carmilla in the book shop, when I wasn’t cramming for my Lit final. The shop needed A LOT of renovations. It was an old Victorian style building, the architecture was beautiful but everything else was out dated. It was a much larger space than what I first taught. Downstairs there was a small counter where the register was, book cases lined the wall and a small L-shaped sofa sat in the corner. I hadn’t noticed the stairs on my first visit. Towards the back a spiral staircase led to the 2nd floor. Upstairs had a more relaxed feel to it. The carpet was thick and sank wherever you stepped. It was a much larger space than downstairs but it had a much more homely feel. The room easily held over 2000 books. Small bean bags, strategically placed, completed the room. 

We were lying on the sofa, exhausted by our efforts. The downstairs looked somewhat presentable but there was still a long way to go. My head was resting in her lap, eyes closed as she dragged her fingers through my hair. I was happy there, our own private bubble. She spoke then, breaking the hold she had on me. ‘You haven’t said anything about the other night’ she said, her words laced with confusion. What could I say to her? I couldn’t change what happened all those years ago, but I knew I had to say something. She was staring at me, her eyes all the time locked on mine. ‘I don’t know what to say Carm. What happened was terrible and I wish you never had to feel so much pain.’ I pulled her arm around me. ‘I don’t want you to leave, I can’t lose you too’ she said, a solitary tear falling from her eye. I pressed my hand against her cheek, sitting up slightly. ‘I’m not going anywhere’ I said, matter of fact. I kissed her slowly, absorbing her pain, desperately trying to soothe her.

It was getting late so we decided to head back to hers. I had only seen the inside of her house twice before. It was a huge, three floor, red brick home that would make even Donald Trump jealous. She said her mother had left it to her when she died. The house was sparsely decorated, most of her things remained in boxes, stacked in the hallway. She turned her key in the lock, pushing the door open so I could step in. A small, black feline darted between my legs and out into the falling rain. ‘I see you’ve got a cat’ I said, the smile spreading across my face. ‘Ehm, yeah, that was Bagera’ she said. I snorted, the lack of originality peaking my interest. ‘Bagera? Like the panther from The Jungle Book?’ Her small smile gave away her amusement, she shook her head before speaking, ‘Yes, very creative, I know.’ 

Lying in bed, she looked so peaceful. We looked at each other, words failing both of us. I danced my hand up her arm, goose bumps following my touch. Her eyes fixed on mine. The fierce green bore into my skull, but she didn’t speak. I decided to take a leap of fate. I had been working up the courage to have this conversation all night. ‘You know, there is one thing I did want to talk about, something you said the other night has stuck with me’ I began. She sat up slightly, her head resting on her hand. ‘You probably don’t remember it, you were kinda asleep’ I smiled. I had peaked her attention now. Her eyes searched mine, looking for something but I didn’t know what. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before speaking. ‘You may have said you loved me.’ My eyes remained closed, afraid to see Carmilla’s expression. I opened them slowly, her eyes locked onto mine as soon as I did. There was something about them; they seemed to be full of worry but curiosity too. ‘Well cupcake, I do not remember that’ she smiled. ‘But I do.’ I gulped down the knot that appeared in my throat. ‘You do? You do what Carm?’ She laughed before planting a kiss to my lips. She pulled away slowly before whispering, ‘I do love you Laura Hollis. I love the way you scrunch your nose when you’re annoyed. I love that your diet mainly consists of cookies and hot chocolate. I love the way you make me feel so wanted. I love that you make me feel so secure but yet so fragile. I love, that despite everything I said the other night, you are still here.’ I stared at her incredulously. I had never heard her speak so passionately but so timidly. Everything about her was a paradox, contradicting everything she said or did. I laced our fingers together, brushing my thumb across her knuckles. I was beginning to drift off, her delicate hands tracing patterns along my side. My eyes were heavy with the lack of sleep. I pressed a soft kiss to her hand before sleep took me. I did manage to squeeze out four small words before I fell into the world of dreams. Her body relaxed for what seemed like the first time, pulling me tighter into her. ‘I love you too’, was the last thing that crossed my lips.


End file.
